I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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