I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
