Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
