Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
In America we eat man semen.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
