Can i not drive my cunt home
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
