My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
