I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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