I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
