Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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