I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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