I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
