We got so high we made milksteak
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
