I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
