If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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