I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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