You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we made out on top of his cat.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
