I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize