hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
