A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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