god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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