so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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