Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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