I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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