I should be sponsored by Trojan
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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