Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
