I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
