Got a toothbrush?
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love having hate sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
