One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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