My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm passing your future prison.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
