Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Houston, we have a blender
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
