take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
