dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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