Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
