Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
