"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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