well you can't waste a boner
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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