Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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