Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
