I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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