you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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