You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
