Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
