so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
