The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
