my being single is dangerous.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
