the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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