I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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