After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
