sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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