we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
