You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
