I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
