I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
