My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Of course I have a pirate flag
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
