Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
