i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
