I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
