why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
