we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
