That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
