your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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