Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
