I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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