well I can't set my house on fire every night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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