Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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