I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
