I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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